


Craziness

by MissRaichyl



Series: Love Story [14]
Category: Glee
Genre: A little oc, Absent Parents, Alternate Universe - High School, Angst, F/M, Fluff, High School, Kissing, References to Depression, Rivalry, Switching Schools, Teen Romance, VA!Rachel, glee clubs, rebuilding relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-03
Updated: 2018-10-02
Packaged: 2019-02-27 12:36:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 10,783
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13248369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MissRaichyl/pseuds/MissRaichyl
Summary: You know what's crazy? Your rival team offering you a spot if you switch to their side. Even crazier? When your ex-boyfriend is the one heading the campaign for your talent and your heart.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this one a long time ago, back in 2011 and am now re-writing it/editing it!  
> I'm also throwing away the timeline- I don't exactly remember when things happened anyway, but it's sometime after the egging, before he returns and after that, my AU!

My days kept to the same routine, dealing with heartbreak- I don’t think changing anything would make it easier. Wallowing never helps and I know that first hand. The first couple of days after Finn had dumped me again were the worst but the more I focused on other things the easier it got. The show was over- Jesse had left and then Finn and I barely lasted three months before Finn broke up with me. It was time I pulled up my big girl pants and re-adapted to my normal schedule: wake up, work out, shower, dress, breakfast, and school. But this morning I was late- I woke up 15 minutes later than normal, probably because my dream was so warm and happy, but it left me rushin around and by the time I left my house, I barely had 30 minutes to get to school, which I would need every minute of. 

I park in a different spot than usual, further from the main entrance, and jump out and lock my car when I remember my bag is still inside said car. With a growl, I realize that this is just a bad day. Maybe I should have stayed home- when a day began bad, it usually doesn’t get better. I snatch my bag, looping it around my shoulder, rushing to the building, the warning bell echoing around me. Damn it. I skip my locker and head straight to class, knowing I had everything I would need anyway.

I enter the class, remembering I agreed to meet Finn at my locker this morning. While we weren’t together anymore, we were still co-captains. He’ll probably think I’m mad at him again, give me the talk about how we have to be friends to lead the team and sometimes I thought it was cute how insecure he could be around me, but today everything annoys me. I wished he could be as confident as Jesse was, instead of getting mad at me for forgetting to meet up. I wasn’t excited to run into him later; it wasn’t long before a headache sat in. I slid into my chair and remember I need to take Finn’s picture out of my locker still, also remembering what I plastered it on top of: Jesse’s picture. Which was on top of Finn’s old photo as well. I guess I’ll throw it all away.

The class passes fast and the bell rings and I go to my locker, shoving all the books from my bag inside and then rush to English. I was in AP, as with most of my classes, but for some reason part of the reading material was Romeo and Juliet. I think the teacher is obsessed, like me and Broadway- but mine is a goal, his is just unhealthy. While he drones on and on about the virtue of Juliet and the love of Romeo, I doodle in my notes. This wasn’t the first time we had studied this play, and I doubt it would be the last. 

"Ms. Berry, tell us, what you think of Juliet's decision to kill herself?" I look up, startled, but quickly recover. 

"Her decision?” I ask back, wondering but I know my thoughts, “Though romantic, I think it was quite stupid honestly." I lean forward in my seat, knowing he was going to counter me and I was ready. I loved these types of debates, though I know that today was one where I could end up in Figgin’s office because I was looking for a challenge, craved it with my cloud setting over my head. 

"Really? Why?" He inquires, humoring me with his eyebrows raised. I decide I would give him an argument that proved my reasoning.

"Well, how did she know that he really did love her? What if it was all a lie?" I started, my brain working to prove my argument, something close to home pulling me. A classic Romeo and Juliet, group against group, lover to lover. I wanted to die of embarrassment in those moments at the end. "If he really loved her, he wouldn't have done that, he would have left her alone." I say absently, truly thinking that it would've been better had he never appeared in my life, never approached me.

"Alone?” The teacher is baffled, “but they are meant to be together. They were in love, and, as you kids say: whipped. How is that so horrible?" He fires back, starting to get into the debate. I roll my eyes, at him, at the play, at everything, getting riled up as well.

“Well, first things first- says who? The writer? Shakespeare obviously had no intentions of leaving them together- he killed them and most of the cast, so in what way are they meant to be? If Romeo had stayed away, had left her alone, she could have been with Paris and probably lived a long life, maybe lacking passion or maybe she would grow to love him- we don’t know, but most likely, nothing would have harmed her. Romeo wouldn't have turned her world all around, basically- no, seriously, killing her in the end." I fold my arms across my chest, daring him to challenge me. 

"How can one live without passion, Ms. Berry?"

"There are more passions in life than love, Sir, and if she would have used her head, content would follow, I’m sure.”

"Ms. Berry!" The teacher explodes at the front of the room.

"Romeo was poison to a young girl who was easily impressionable- and let’s face it, it was lust, not love.” I continue on, “Love doesn't work in 4 days- you can't fall in love at first sight, its arousal and attraction,” I tell him, watching his eyes light with fire at my thoughts on the timeless romance, “Juliet didn't die, she was murdered by a love that wouldn’t last." I found myself standing up and challenging the teacher, who had gone red in the face. I clear my throat and rub my hands against my skirt. "Just answering your question." I slid back in my desk, as he continues on, ignoring me for the rest of class. 

This day couldn't get any better. The rest of the hours pass in a blur after that as lunch time came around. I wasn’t hungry and so I decided fresh air was better for my mood. There was no way I could entertain my Glee mates like this. But outside, the air was cold and my mind was grateful. It wasn’t like freezing but more as if Fall was on us at last. I didn’t mind the cold wind today- cooling me down, emotions and all. Everything was getting worse and I felt like I was falling into a pit of snakes.

Heavy footsteps walk the bleachers and he sits beside me, looking out at the field as we sit in silence, but I can tell it’s uncomfortable for him and he clears his throat, "Did I piss you off, again?" he asks, his voice sounding strained. I sigh at his self-consciousness, even though I know I was self-conscious a lot. To me, it just didn't make sense for the football captain to be. It was a prejudice, sure, but he literally had girls falling at his feet and boys wishing to be him.

"I woke up late, Finn. I'm not mad at you." I say as I begin to stand for the walk back to the school. There wasn’t much time before 4th period started I walk past his seat and feel his fingers, large and gruff, close over my wrist. I don’t yell at him or shake him off, I just look back at him, wondering what he could want now. 

"Could we start over?" he asks me in a small voice, smaller than I’ve ever heard him. He is putting his pride on the line because that’s the price of dating me: his pride.

“Let’s not do this today.” I reply, genuinely not wanting to talk about it. My head hurts and today was not good. "We can't forget what happened, it will always be there.” I tell him, shaking his grip off. He sighs deeply, letting me go and I turn toward him, wanting to wrap my arms around him but I don’t, and it’s not out of love or the need for him, but simply like a friend, a comfort to him because I don’t feel that anymore, looking at him, those are feelings that I no longer feel. “Finn, when you broke up with me, I couldn't stop crying. But now, I’ve stopped." I say, shrugging my shoulders, trying to get him to understand me but of course, he didn't.

"What does that mean?" his voice laced with confusion that mirrors his expression.

"It means that you aren’t my Romeo, you’re my Paris." I say, walking away from him, probably still confused and maybe he won’t get it, but for me, I do. Sometimes people are better as friends.

At my locke, a piece of paper flutters out and falls to the ground. I really want to unfold it here but decide to wait until I am in class.

I put my stuff on my desk and take out the slip as I sit down. It could have come from Finn, who put it in my locker before lunch, or even Santana, or Quinn just to insult me. I open it with no expectations. VA Auditorium. 5:00. Come alone. I smirk at it, wondering which vocalite put this there and I fold it back, laying it on my desk. Was it already that time of the year again? Scare tactic to ruffle the rival teams. I wonder why I am the target, though this mood will definitely be susceptible to pride crushing.

**.**

Mercedes stops me outside of Glee looking like a mother tending to an obstinate child, refusing to budge until the truth falls. I take her arm and lead her into the room to the back of the class. She stays beside me, waiting for my explanation but I just sit, not knowing where to start. "Okay, Rach. Something is up, you never pass up a chance to talk about yourself," she says, looking me over. I don’t know where to begin, so I hand her the slip of paper and her eyes go wide as she reads it over, shifting back and forth and then the annoyance leaks in, “not this stuff again? Who gave it to you?" she asks, looking at me.

"I found it in my locker," I say with a shrug.

"Are you going?"

"Yes," I said taking the slip back and putting it into my binder.

"Why? What if they try to funkify you?" she asks, trying to put reason into my head, but I don’t see the issue as she would. 

"Cedes, I have thought about this over and over again. They have no reason to. They aren't in our competition circle. Plus, I'm curious," I add, finally looking at her, “aren’t you?”

"Curiosity killed the cat," she shoots back.

"Satisfaction brought it back." I say icily. A hand lays on my arm and I look up, her eyes burning into mine.

"Can I go with you?" I shake my head. If I was going onto their turf, I would want it to be by my rules but I also knew there was a reason for the need for such secrecy.

"I don't know, Rach." Cedes says, trying to dissuade me from going. 

"Trust me; I know how these people play. Plus, I have a plan." I said in all confidence. I wasn't the girl they last saw throwing insults over their shoulders with me covered in eggs. I was smarter and more cunning, I wouldn’t hesitate anymore.

**.**

It’s easy to find the place, as I have been inside many times before, though I still am a tiny bit cautious as I do not know what they want from me, but it’s enough to know they think me this big of a threat to try and terrorize me again. It makes me a little giddy, to know I’m that good in the world of show choir. 

I open the doors quietly and walk up the stairs that lead to the balcony area of the auditorium. Theirs is quite bigger than ours, their whole school is larger. Not surprising with all the families that feed into the school. 

I see Vocal Adrenaline gathered at the bottom, Sunshine’s talking. "You shouldn't have done this!" she whines and I get curious. Maybe it’s because this day royally sucks and I’m just done, or maybe it’s because I’m genuinely curious, but I lean on the seats, staring at them, wondering if they’ll notice me, putting myself so far out there.

"Listen, Sunny,” a girl says, sneering, “She’s better- better than you and all of us." I remember her now, Andrea. The lead, well, probably ex-lead, now that Sunshine is here- she was good, good enough for me to haze her to make her leave.

"Well, who sends somebody to a Crack House?" Sunshine fires back again and I grimace at the memory, not one of my best moments.

"It was dormant!" another chimes in, out of sight, done with the bickering, "I can't believe she's late. Rachel is never late," a guy voice says, it was strangely familiar.

"Maybe she was too scared to come?" Sunshine says and I feel a bit offended.

"Can you shut up?” Andrea whirls on her.

Interfighting was never good among teammates and now I could see why they would want to terrorize me. I watch them, so focused on biting each other that they won’t even make it past Regional’s, let alone nationals, behaving this way. The group was literally tearing itself up. I don’t know what this is about, but being called here puts me on my toes. I don’t have business with them anymore, now that my only connection has left town- there is no reason to call me out. I’m about to descend into the fighting arena when the argument picks back up.

"She was naïve then- you’ve should have seen how trusting she was,” I realized that I had missed a part of the conversation. “It had to have taught her something.” Andrea spits at Sunshine. 

“I actually do know that she is more cunning and ruthless than what she appears like in those awful outfits.” a girl I don’t know speaks up, though I do remember her from the Egg Event last year, “I mean, look at what she did to Sunshine." I don't know why but I felt a surge of pride and at the same time insulted- what was wrong with my outfits? Suddenly, I feel like me again, I finally stand taller and don’t feel like a mess walking around looking for something I lost.

"Umm, Andrea . . . ? Guys?" Sunshine squeaks, looking at me and I stare back, my best show face on. I feel pride surge through me, and my eyes hardened. I wasn’t going to cower in front of this group again. I proved to them why New Direction was better, and maybe I was in my own personal funk right now. Maybe I was hurting more from my break up more than I thought, but that isn’t a part of this. This is separate, this is about me and Vocal Adrenaline, about returning what I’ve received. I am not the girl who was egged and I am not the girl who was beat by them onstage. I am Rachel Berry and I will not be had.

"What Sunny?" A guy answers and I suddenly remember that voice, suddenly, that is so familiar. Goosebumps crawl up my skin and my hearts starts beating. I feel my hands shake in fear, in anticipation, but I hold them at my sides; even when sends a surge of something through me, I won’t give in. I feel tethered suddenly, but I want to refuse it. He was not my Romeo. He was nothing, he ended whatever was there.

Andrea follows her eyes and the others follow her, but not him, he stays in his own shadows. Some members gasp at my theatrical entrance and probably at the fact that I even showed up. Andrea smiles and starts talking, “You could join us.”

"Dramatic entrances are kinda my thing,” I say, letting a little bit of coyness enter my sentence, finally let my voice ring out, “and so are exits," I say, tapping my finger to my chin, letting them know I would walk out at any time, "But it was so interesting watching you guy tear into each other," I point out quickly. 

Vocal Adrenaline was a competitive place, hard to survive if you weren’t willing to cut some throats, New Direction was the opposite, all about hand holding and acceptance, well, somewhat. To me, I’m somewhere in the middle of both; I’m competitive enough to send Sunshine to a crack house, and yet soft enough to apologize and feel bad. I eye the members, here you have to be cold, unreasonable and luckily, I know how to survive in this tundra of a team. I know how to be mean and how to work the crowd- maybe it's because I can feel a range of emotions and maybe it’s because I know that this team won’t bully me again.

I wait for him to stand up, for him to come into my view. I want to see him, too- as much as I hate it. I can hate myself- I already do. It's how I can fit in here, better that at my Glee Club and I hate that. These are my enemies, I have to remind myself. Andrea looks ahead of herself, catching onto what I am getting at. "Never mind about that, we have something to ask you." Andrea says. I look at them skeptically, too curious to stay away any longer. 

Every step, my heart jolts. He's here. Jesse is here, waiting. I don't know why he is here- he should be in sunny California, but for whatever reason, he is back in Ohio, waiting with the rest of the team to either terrorize me away from regionals or something else, something welcoming almost. I slow my breathing and wait for the pattering to stop. I have to calm down if I'm to beat them at their own game. I have to win, right? I'm not the girl that got pelted with eggs. I'm above them. I know theatrics that would receive praise from the Great Barbra thanks to these people. I will win today, whatever that means.

I walk down the aisle, carefully watching them. They could be hiding eggs, who knows? Their eyes follow me, and the second I’m close enough, I meet  _ his  _ eyes and he's grinning at me, his eyes knowing. He tilts his head, looking at me with something like pride and also a touch of melancholy. My heart races again and I can feel my cheeks flush- it's just the lights- you need sunscreen here, remember? I close my eyes and breathe. I have to keep my wits. I hear Sunshine startle and I open my eyes. "So what do you want?" I ask them, standing in between a group and their savior.


	2. Chapter 2

Andrea laughs, understandingly, though what she understands about me, I don't know. This is all a mask- I'm not this cold person, though I can be. "We need you," I wonder how much that sentence kills her. "Our coach doesn’t like our sound, and our assistant coach keeps recommending you." She smirks at me, like she has me by a string. 

"It seems everyone is wanting me nowadays." I fake and raise my eyebrows, unimpressed. They all look at one another, waiting for an explanation I won't give, don’t have. I'm tired suddenly of being this hateful girl and all I want is to slip into comfy clothes and watch a long marathon of something mind-numbing- but I have to win, for New Directions. They can’t break me.

I look to him sitting in the audience chairs, waiting for me to slip so he can take me back- but he's too late, there's nothing here.  _ Ugh, I'm so confused today. _ My show face falters and he sees it, I know he did because he stands, taking the attention of the group with him and I’m suddenly thankful. I had imagined a lot of different scenarios of running into him again but nothing compares to the real thing.

Jesse was still commander of charisma, handling an air around him that intrigues everyone. He was still confident to a fault and yet did not bow to anyone, blame anyone for his mistakes. His icy eyes still held his soul in them, covered to those he didn’t need and yet bare to those he knew. There was a part of me that was still cold to him, for what he did, but also amazed that he went through with it. I’m still caught up in him, though I don’t want to be, but also can’t help it. 

I decide to turn away, and he slides into the aisle, cutting off my retreat and he is so close to me now. He’s still familiar, and I have to remind myself that I hate him. "I’ll explain." He says, looking at me.

"Oh, trust me, I think I've put it together." I respond, ice coating my voice. I'm so out of character, so far beyond myself and it scares me, to know I can be this person that qualifies in Vocal Adrenaline, that can hurt someone like they do. I look straight at Jesse.

"Where's the trust, Rachel?" He says, the words easily floating off his tongue and into the air, his smirk not reaching his eyes.

I feel my lips turn up as a response, and he waves his hand, the team dispersing with grumbles and sighs. They all look at me in turn, until it’s just two standing in the empty auditorium like we had once a long time ago. I can finally drop all pretense and I feel exhausted. 

"Trust?” I laugh, “The people who egged me or the jerk who broke my heart?” He winces and I go to a chair, needing to sit down. “I know you guys want something,” I say, “What? Leaving New Direction," He watches me with grim face, thinking of the ways this will play out, "and join you, right?” He nods, giving in to my theory and I’m actually surprised by the audacity. “Is your title in jeopardy?" I ask.

"Yes." He says it simply, not looking at me anymore and I sit for a second, wondering if this was a dream or a nightmare.

"I don't want to." I get up and walk past him, leaving him. After everything he has done to me, that they have done, they come to me begging to say their precious title? I don’t want to think of the benefits of their team, knowing there were many. How could i possibly entertain the idea of switching after all I had put into the New Directions. I grab my keys out of my purse and they clatter onto the tile. I’m shaking, i realize as I stare at my hands, willing them to still and a hand swoops in, grabbing my keys from the ground

"I'll take you home." He says dryly.

**.**

I don’t protest, knowing it’s for the best that I don’t drive like this. We walk to his car in silence and he opens the door for me and even though I fight it, a part of me is happy to see him. It makes me want to relax in his presence and cave to him- maybe not switching schools but just him. “So, you want me on Vocal Adrenaline.” I say when he settles in and turns on the car. He nods. “That’s going to be a problem- I have friends in New Directions, we are in the competition, and we won't fail out this time." I said with confidence in my voice.

He shakes his head, "You look at it as what you’re leaving, but look at it as what you're gaining." Jesse says, focusing on backing out of the lot.

"Okay, what would I gain?” I say a little mockingly, “Let me think," I say, shrugging, wondering what he plans to offer.

"You'd be the lead, talent appreciated, no bullying, no name calling, friends who are like you and love some competition," He replies, his signature smirk adorning his features again. 

"Your offer is seriously tempting,” I say with zero feeling, “but I have to get New Directions past Regional's. They need me more." I look at Jesse, I don't know how it happened but I knew I would forgive him. I lean my head back and stare up, my eyes finding a mark I thought would be long erased. "These are still around." I wonder at the two gold stars stuck to his roof. "It was supposed to represent you and me, on the top of the world," I say in a small voice, mostly to myself.

"I couldn't bear to take them off,” His voice is wistful, “it was a piece of you that I could keep, without being criticized about going soft," he replies. I raise my hand and brush my fingers over them, carefully, as to not pull them up. It was hard to keep my heart hard toward him with this, something I did one night when we were discussing him leaving for college. It was silly and immature of me, but he kept them, because he like them… me. 

"How can you be co-coach if your college is out of state?" I ask looking at him. His jaw tightens, the hand that was on the steering tightens, and his voice is very controlled.

"I flunked out." I gasp and look at him, without thinking I grab his hand resting on the console. Some things are hard to break. He holds my hand in return, squeezing it for reassurance. I know how it must be if he flunked out with his parents. His dad must be furious and his mom probably is giving him the silent treatment. 

"I forgive you," I don't know if I really do just yet but it's all I can think of to say, to try to comfort him and maybe to comfort myself.

"You shouldn't, you don't know the whole story," With a sad gleam in his eye, he looks at me for a moment, then returns his hand to the steering wheel, focusing back on the road.

“Can’t we leave it in the past?” I ask him. I don’t really want to get into again and think about it at all. It’s an old memory to me and I want to leave it there. “I know it was a set up, whether for Vocal Adrenaline or for Shelby, I don’t care anymore.” I lean my head on the window, looking out as the cars race by in the opposite direction.

“Can we do that?” He asks me, as we pull into my driveway. 

“It’s a start,” I say, opening the car door and feeling the breeze on my skin. "Come eat dinner." I say as I get out of his car. He hesitates, "We have to start from somewhere.” I tell him as I stare at him from the other side, “I get why you did what you did. I don't like it- I don't even know if I like you, to be honest," He nods, "but I don't want it like that, so come eat." I close my door and he opens his, jumping out.

"You're wrong about one part," He stops me on the porch as I reach for the door, "I still love you." His eyes are sincere, but I don’t want to fall for the pretty words he says. I been swayed by these two men back and forth for a year. I don't know how to reply to him so I just walk inside. All the lights are off and I know they left again. I slip off my shoes and walk into the kitchen where a note rest by a plate of fake fruit. 

_ Gone on Caribbean Cruise, money in the drawer, love you! _ , yeah, love you guys too. I hold the note in my hand, staring at the words. So many pretty words around me tonight. Since I became old enough to take care of myself, they have been leaving on trips and tours around the world; they don't bother to ask me about it or how it makes me feel. This time they'll be gone for 6 weeks. Most girls would dream of this, alone with a guy who just confessed his love, for many nights possibilities ran endless with no chance of interruption, but for me- this is hell. I’m alone and lonely. I lay my head in my hands, feeling his hand on my back, curving over my shoulder. He knows they’ve left again, too. It was something I confided in Jesse, thought he might understand.

"My own Dads don't even want to see me- why would Vocal Adrenaline want me?" I know I'm whining but how can I not? I won't let people see me weak and cry, not usually- but Jesse isn't other people, he's just like me.

"I know your worried about the offer and all," I'm actually not, "but let's not focus on it, okay? I'll cook us dinner and we can watch a movie- like old times?" I laugh with little emotion, still hurt that my Dads left without even a phone call but I don't stop him.  
  



	3. Chapter 3

I wake up against Jesse's chest, laid out on the couch beside him, his arms wound loosely around me. It's still dark outside but the movie has stopped playing, blue screen lighting up the living room. I don't shift or move, his chest rises and falls and there is so much comfort in it.  _ I missed him.  _ I close my eyes again, trying to push it all away except him. I can do that right? I can do that and still be a good member- I'm not betraying anyone, right? "Are you going to wake up?" He mumbles, voice full of sleep.

I shake my head and nuzzle deeper. "I don't want to." His chest rumbles with a chuckle and he flips us so I'm laying underneath him, my hand still on his chest, his eyes alive and on mine. I don’t breath and I don’t make a sound- I just appreciate my view, giving into my thoughts even if I don’t know exactly what is in them, I know my feelings for him are coming back to me.

I wonder what he’s thinking, wonder what’s in his heart. I closed my eyes and felt his lips press against mine. His lips were soft and inviting, and I couldn’t help smiling against them, moving my hands to his hips as we continued. His arm was holding him above me, his other hand was holding my face. He was being tender and loving and I was enjoying the slow pace of it neither of us were hurried and we knew that we had time to get to where we once were, this time with only honesty between us. 

“We should stop,” He whispers against my lips, breathing a little faster than normal, but I agree. He smiles at me and stands up, holding out his hand and I take it as he leads me up to me room, clicking the tv off on the way. 

Jesse shrugs his jacket off, and pulls me with him to my bed but I stop him, pausing to change in the bathroom into night clothes. When I return, he’s already laying in bed and I join him, knowing nothing will happen tonight. I scoot under the covers and face him, marveling that this is happening, that Jesse is back and we’re like this again.

"I don't know how I would leave them.” I whisper, feeling the need to in the dark of my room, like we shouldn’t disturb anyone even though it’s only us. “What would I say, do? I finally have friends." I tell him.  _ What am I thinking? _ I'm against this one hundred percent, but I'm also tired of being alone. He looks at me, running a hand down my shoulder, sending waves of tingles through me that I try to ignore. 

"What do you mean?" He's completely confused as he locks eyes with me and I wonder who I am as I stare back. I was so confident once, knew that my voice had brought us victory… but when Jesse turned the tables and then losing Finn, Quinn getting the solo, I think I lost myself. 

"I don't want to be alone anymore, Jesse." I look at him- we're both a little bit alone, huh? 

"Well, if they are the friends they claim to be then they will forgive you." He replies, reason going through his head- he knows he can't mess this up- but there's something else, a desire. I wonder if it's purely for me?  

"Yeah, but Kurt transferred for safety, they would see my transfer as everything else I do: For me, myself, and I."I sighed and curl into him. His arms tighten around me, his chin resting on the crown of my head. I relax in his warmth, comfortable in my own skin again.

"Then they aren't your friends." He says, and I feel the words hit deep. "Here's what I can promise, Rach.” He pulls back, moving one of his hands to hold my face, to see that he has my eyes, my attention completely. “I will help you, I will be here, and I won't leave you." His word bury deep in my heart, something I’ve always wanted to hear from someone, someone I care for and love, someone who I can trust… Jesse has completely re-written himself in hours, falling back into being who he was, and I think that it wasn’t completely an act on his side.

"Can we go back?" I ask, my voice strong, but I am weak. I can't do this anymore- I need him beside me again. Finn always looked down on me, seeing me as his girlfriend at the cost of everything else, but when Jesse looks at me, it's like he sees just me, through everything he can get to the real me. He looks at me but doesn't reply, just pulling me to him, finding my lips in the dark, a frenzy of feeling hiding behind it and I try to match him, gripping at his shirt and pulling him to me. I know we won’t do anything but even this is a comfort, to know we are on the same page. 

**.**

I wake up and this time the sun is shining through my windows, Jesse is at my back, one arm thrown around me, the other contorted under his head like a pillow. I turn over and look at him. His face is relaxed and his breathing is so slow. His perfect curls aren’t so perfect, coming undone in our sleep, but he looks happy at the same time. I wonder if our late night talk plus the practice with Vocal Adrenaline had tired him out. 

My phone rings from the nightstand and I turn, yanking it off the charger and answer the call. "Hello?" My voice is hushed, I don’t want to wake Jesse, even as I feel him stir beside me. 

I sit up as Finn’s voice rushes at me, "We need to figure out the songs for Regional's.” He says, and I remember we have weekend club meeting today and I don’t have my car. “Have you written any?" he asks, not wasting any time.

"I have one, I'm working on another," I say, putting my feet on the floor and going to my closet, looking for jeans and a shirt.

"Are they good?" He sounds wary and I wonder why he should have cause to doubt me.

"I think they are spectacular." I boast, and I hear Jesse chuckle from the bed. I look over my shoulder to see him propped up and watching me, and I can’t help but smile back at him.

"Listen, you want me to pick you up so we can discuss it in the car?" He asks as Jesse get out of bed and heads to the bathroom.  

"That would be sweet, but no thank you." I say, "I'll see you at school." I hang up and focus on dressing before Jesse wanders back. 

“Who was that?” He asks through the door and I slip my shirt over my head, following with my jeans. 

"Finn. He wants the songs I'm writing," I move to my desk, putting the folder with my written music inside my bag and I feel Jesse’s arm around my waist, pulling my into a back hug as he kisses my cheek. "Can you give me a ride?" He bobs his head in assurance and I grin. I feel like I shouldn't get used to this, but I want too.

**.**

Jesse pulls into McKinley's parking lot and I see Finn standing by his truck. "Why isn't he inside? It's freezing." I ask absently to no one. 

"Probably waiting for you." Jesse grits his teeth together.  _ Huh _ . He pulls up to the school, next to the curb, and turns to me. "See you later?" He asks and I nod. We still have to retrieve my car from the Carmel parking lot and planned to get it after club.

"2:30,"I confirm and stare at Jesse for a moment, not sure if I should kiss him or not and I can tell he’s think the same thing as he smiles at me. We haven’t said if we were actually back together or not, but I know we indeed like each other, especially with his love confession on my porch. I throw caution to the wind and lean across the consol, pressing my lips to his in a chaste kiss before pulling back. 

I climb out of his car, the fall winds swirling around me and I wave bye as I close the door. He nods and pulls away, driving to wherever he needs to go, maybe home, maybe not. I hadn’t thought to ask what he was doing today.

"Rachel!" Finn calls to me as he realizes my existence on the curb of the school. I turn and walk toward him, resting my hands on my backpack straps so they don’t hang awkwardly at my sides.  

"Whose car was that?" He waves after it as I barely see it on the hill. I avoid the question, still unsure how the group will react, especially after last time when they threatened to kick me out. I walk ahead of him, his voice ringing clear behind me, pestering me to give him a name. "I know it's not your dads, so whose car was it?" 

“Finn, it’s not your business, okay?” I tell him, opening the door to the club room, finding most of the group already here, surrounding the piano with music sheets, going through songs and giving a try to writing our own. Mercedes kept eyeing me, probably wanting to know what happened after I left yesterday. 

I smile at her, a real smile for the first time in what seems likes weeks and then I address my fellow members, “Vocal Adrenaline contacted me yesterday,” I tell them, watching their heads snapp up one by one.

“Did you go alone?” Puck questioned, looking like I had lost my head. “Did they slash your tires?” He asked, and I shook my head, trying not the laugh at his comment.

“I thought you guys should know what you’ll be up against,” no one sensed the change in my wording, as I was considering transferring now, knowing that I could be outed as a traitor when news of me dating Jesse surfaces and also other matters that had popped into my head after last night, “Jesse is the assistant director currently.” I tell them and Finn curses in the back, ranting about how Jesse had the guts to look in my eyes again and on and on, Quinn and Mercedes stared at me, almost knowingly that there’s more to the story then I’m letting on.

Finn suddenly rounds on me, his eyes lighting up as if a light bulb had turned on, "That's who dropped you off!" he exclaims in front of everyone and I didn’t want to lie to them, but I also wasn’t planning on spilling the beans just yet. Finn's eyes shine with recognition. "You know we can't condone this!" He yells, "You've been through this once- are you that stupid?" I feel a stab as those words leave his mouth, like a slap in the face. Jealousy piles up on his shoulders, turning him green and I can see the motivation behind his words, but I don’t condone it.

"I don't believe that my relationship has anything to do with the Glee club or yourself." I say, my voice small. This is what I was afraid of. 

"If you haven't forgotten you’re my girlfriend-" I cut him off, rounding on him, ready to chew into him for once, bring him back to the real world.

"I'm you ex-girlfriend,” I correct, “and I can make my own choices." I bristle, this is exactly it- this commanding atmosphere like Glee Club is my be-all and end-all, like my life doesn't exist without it, as if I'm owned by this. My goal doesn’t run on the cost of needy members asking for me to devote my life to a club that I'll be in for another year before graduation, when they live their life. 

"You got fooled by the traitor, and now look," Finn says, heading this ridiculous campaign while others nod in agreement around me.

Quinn speaks up, eyes boring into mine, "Listen closely to how this story ends, Rachel: you will be left heartbroken again, the only difference is whether eggs are involved or not." Her voice so smooth carrying a thousand daggers.

I stare at her and then the others- I won't be beaten down again, "You guys talk as if I'm am replaceable but yet demand me to give myself completely to Glee Club like it's the only thing keeping us afloat." The way they look at me, glaring as if I’ve committed a sin against them, "I quit," I tell them, their unrelenting faces making my choose careless words in a second and I grab my purse and walk away, silence echoing all around me.

No one pulls me back or chases me down, even though some probably think it's the end if I leave, they won't admit they need the girl who won't bow down. 

I won't bow down. 

**.**

"So, what now?" Jesse asks me, brushing my hair out of my face. We lay out on the couch, laying on his lap, facing the TV as Newsies play. 

"Well, they usually start begging me to come back a day after I quit," I explain as I can tell he thinks it’s his fault. "You know that this fight has been building up right?” I push myself into sitting position, adjusting until I can steadily look into his eyes that show me a storm as his emotions flicker back and forth. He stands up and I shift, watching him move toward the kitchen, “maybe I’ll just transfer,” I say, likes it’s so easy but he pauses, his back to me.

I don’t follow his steps, carefully watching him from my couch and he turns around, looking at me, curiosity filling his eyes, but not in a wondrous way. "Why do you let them be like that?” He asks me, rage filling his voice, “That's your club- you should fight back!" He insists, stopping his rant before it can even start, biting his tongue. 

I turn my body, locking away from him as Christian Bale dances on the screen, "Do you remember lectures in history back in junior high?" I ask him, "we were taught about how people started making colonies, steering their ships toward America, Canada, and Mexico but it took a long time- like months and years." I can feel his eyes boring into my neck, and I hear him come closer, "and so to keep the crew from rioting, from taking control the captains forged dates, making it look like the voyage took less than the actual time, but some captains weren't lucky,” I continue, “the crew didn't see eye to eye or maybe some were smart enough to figure it out and the captains were cast aside." He comes back to the couch, sitting down next to me.

"Mutiny," he whispers, getting my point.

"Glee club isn't a ship but it can certainly feel like one and Finn turned them all against me when he realized I wasn't going back to him, out of jealousy.” I say as I grab his hand, leaning my head on his shoulder. “All I did was leave a place I didn’t feel wanted.” He runs his thumb over my hand in circles, providing a comfort as I explain. “I crafted that club from the ground up- I made it what it was with the help of my members but they don't want me and I don't want to stay in a place that wants to suffocate me." 

We stop the conversation there, him calming down after realizing what the situation was- I wasn't running, but being pushed out and I wasn't going to him because he was there, but because I want him here. He turns with a smile and throws his arm around me, letting us fall back into the couch. “I’m glad you took me back,” he says and I giggle. I guess we were back together then.

He slides into bed around 11, content just staying with me while my Dads are gone. He says his parents aren't excited about his presence right now and it's probably better that he stay away for a little while anyway. I feel bad when he says that because I know his mom loves him and babies him to death... for her to ignore him, I bet her heart is hurting too, but I let him stay with me- I need him too at the moment, being my rock and listening to me when I complain.


	4. Chapter 4

Time passes, a month goes by and I returned to Glee club, at the urging of some members, but my  _ betrayal _ was not forgotten by one. It wasn't for my members that I returned, it was because I treasured what I made and I would be making it fail, not my group. 

Now it's me, running out of the green room and into Jesse's waiting arms as Nationals are over and so are my days at McKinley. I squeal as he spins me around, clinging to his neck for dear life as my stomach flips. He's been with me every night for the last month, staying with me in the big, empty house, not even with expectations and we haven’t done anything either through our days of playing house were numbered with my dads are coming home soon and then he'll leave but this time, I’ll follow him. From what I know he has been updating them about my decision as time passes and Goldsby is over the moon, ready to make me his star.  

"You did it." He says as he sits me down on my feet, I give him a weird look, "You found it. The pain and put it into words, you're a songwriter now." He kisses my forehead, pride pouring out of him. "I knew you could do it." He pulls me in close, his scent calming my beating heart, still racing from the performance and his hug. 

He lets me go, a nods over to the vending machine, getting a drink and I watch him, completely in love with him. Finn walks up to me, his head bent and I see Quinn queue up behind Jesse. I eye them for a second before turning to Finn, "I'm sorry, Rach." He says, apologizing for the first time since who knows. 

"For?" I prod, wanting him to explain just what he was sorry for, not letting him off with a simple apology. 

"For being a jerk,” He says, “I just didn't want to see you hurt or with someone else. I kinda love you, you know?" He confesses and I nod, understanding what he is saying. I look over to see Jesse looking at me, talking to Quinn and then I look back at Finn.

"I get that I hurt you with Jesse,” It wasn’t intentional on my part. “But I'm happy now, Finn. That song was thanks to him. He's the reason the club could move forward." I choose my words carefully, because I don't know if I'll be with them for much longer. Finn nods along and then cracks a joke and I feel a friendship return; not what it once was, it can't ever be that again. I didn't feel the love that he hangs onto but I can let go of the animosity, I can't keep that next to my heart if I want to move forward or I'll never let him go. 

I part ways with Finn when Kurt comes to fetch him, he glares at me- still not over the fact that I refused to break up with Jesse. Quinn and Jesse are still deep in their conversation and I don't mean to do it, but I hide, curious. 

"That doesn't make me feel any better." He scoffs, looking straight at her and she smirks at him. Quinn was pretty in a way that I could never be, but I know that I am pretty too, just in a different sense.

"Not my concern,” She scoffs, “You know there will always be that,"  _ be what? What are they talking about? _ "They're best friends; he was who she turned to before you,”  _ Are they talking about me? _ “We can't undo that. If they're meant to be in the end, we won't be able to stop it." Quinn finishes taking a swig of her water, trying to hide the disappointment in her eyes. 

"I will be with her," Jesse looks away from her, toward the hall I stand in, "and you'll be with whoever you can control." I bite back a laugh- he’s not wrong with that and Quinn laughs too. I walk up to them, into Jess’s half embrace and stand with them, as they continue talking changing the topic to National’s. I offer a smile of friendship and Quinn responds in kind. Another hatchet buried. 

**.**

We sit in my kitchen, relaxing during the weekend, after the stress of Regional’s. I hold my phone to my ear, waiting for the line to connect, Jesse's eyes glued to me like a hawk. The other end picks up and my heart jumps in nervousness, "Mom?" I say over the phone.

"Rachel?" Her voice was surprised and I heard crying in the background most likely Beth. I squeezed my eyes shut tightly, waiting for the nerves to pass. Yes, she has a new daughter, but maybe she could want me too. "I have been trying to reach you," Her voice is breathless and I hope it's for me and not because she's exhausted. Jesse squeezes my thigh hoping that I'm not going overboard. 

"I heard.” I respond, “Can I come over?" I ask, hoping I wasn't setting myself up for rejection. Jesse purposed this solution after the first three weeks, wondering it my Dads left me alone quite often as he remembered me being alone a bit when we first started dating, which led to many make-out sessions on my bed, if I remember. But now, Jesse thought that it wasn’t good and was probably affecting me, creating loneliness and feelings of detachment, so he told Shelby, and I’ve been avoiding her, scarred after what had happened last time.

"What's wrong?" She asks me and I think for the first time, I feel the warmth of motherly concern and the tears fall. I’ve missed parental attention so much. It’s not like I was neglected. My Dads care for me, support me with everything, but they also leave me alone for so long. I break down right there, crying so much Jesse has to take the phone and explain what is happening.

**.**

The next couple of days, I find myself going from office to office, getting various signatures and turning in paperwork. Mom talks to the principle as I sit with Beth. It's a bit strange that my new sister is my clubmates daughter and that soon, I'll be living with her. She coos as the toys in her hand. Mom comes out and we leave, all finished.

Instead of following them outside though, I ask her to wait and knock on my club mentor’s door while she gets the car ready. "Mr. Shue?" I say, seeing him at his desk, flipping through his classes homework. He looks up from the paper he was grading, tiredness written all over his face. 

"Come on in, Rachel. How can I help you?" He puts the papers to the side and folds his hands together, looking every bit of a teacher and mentor. He smiles at me as I take the seat across from him. 

"I have something to tell you." I say, as I hold my head high.

**.**

"Guys, we have some sad but important news." Mr. Shue stands at the front of the room, after messaging all the members to the club room. Mom left, to go put Beth down for her nap, and Jesse would pick me up soon enough. "Rachel has decided to transfer schools to live with her mother due to family difficulties." I feel the gazes on me and Mr. Shue continues on and eventually wraps it up, " Rachel?" I take the space he occupied and look out at my fellow members. 

"I'm sorry to leave right after we won,” I tell them with a truly heavy heart, “I’m sure Finn will lead the team diligently,” I say, departing with my title of co-captain. “But I feel this is the right move for me now." I say, confident. No one raised their voice at me, no one fought me. It was strange but there was mutual understanding. We all sat around and talked and sang, saying goodbye to my time with New Directions.

Jesse arrives to pick me up and I go willingly. "See you all at Regionals." I quip, letting my voice get competitive, installing a new rivalry. They all react in kind and we share laughs and then I leave, but not on bad terms.

  
  



	5. Epilogue

“We’re against them again,” i say, sitting in the green room, holding on to Jesse’s hand so hard that he winces. They were good, not as great as my team, of course, but they were good, super talented. We had won against them last year, my junior year, but this was all of our last year, our last chance. Though we both had a lot of newcomers and trained hard, we were ready. 

“You’re going to be great,” he says into my hair, pressing a kiss against my temple. This time I'll be alone on stage after our group number, singing out my heart. The scouts will be in the crowd watching, especially those from NYADA, though I had already past the college application with flying colors.

There was nothing to worry about, competition wise. Jesse and I had chosen the groups and Vocal Adrenaline had all of the moves down. Not one of the group members fought our choices, but who would fight us? They knew that we knew best and were sad that they would be losing us both after this year, but we knew they would carry on Vocal Adrenaline’s crown.

We watch on the monitor as Quinn steps out, singing the ballad solo for New Directions. I smile as Quinn singing out the first line, stepping away from the curtains. 

They successfully finished their numbers without pause. They were good, but they weren't winning material, sadly. The songs were perfect but they lacked the natural feelings needed. It seemed more like a final goodbye for the seniors, like a showcase, more than a competition piece.

"Rach?" Jesse calls me quietly and I turn to him, "Don’t be nervous," he said seriously, "these are our friends on a daily basis, yes, but today they are not. These are the people you're gonna be competing against.” He grabs my hand from my lap, turning to face me, “They are competition, someone who could take your last award before college," He advises and I know he’s imparting wisdom but I can’t help but be proud of them, no matter what. I grab his hand back and give him a winning smile and he laughs, leaning over to place a kiss on my lap as every crows around us.

"Where's Shelby?" Jesse asks, leaning into me again.

"She's running late. Beth wouldn't take a nap." I say back and his hand squeezes mine. I was sad that I never actually got to perform with Jesse on an actual stage before graduation, but at least he would be watching us from the crowd. 

"So Rach," Alex starts coming behind us, leaning on my shoulders, "have you and Jesse done the deed? Because it seems like you have but then it doesn't." She asks and I smirk at her as Jesse glares, preferring to keep our romantic life private. 

"Maybe we have and maybe we haven't." I reply coyly, and it gets a laugh from everyone, "You've met my mom, Alex. She'd kill me if I did that and with preparations for college, Jesse enrolling at NYADA with me, where's the time?" It was customary for these topics to pop up between Alex and I. She was a year younger than me and she was my closest friend among Vocal Adrenaline. 

"Hey Rachel!" Emily, a freshman, calls from the other side of the room, and I looked over at her as Alex slips her shoes on, our conversation interrupted. "Why did you move out of your dads place?" She asks, cocking her head to the side.

"They were always gone," I shrug, "When it wasn't business trips, it cruises, when it wasn't cruises, it was another honeymoon. I was tired of being alone, even when Jesse practically moved into my room for two months," I think back on those moments, the despair at coming home and finding it empty and then that Jesse staying with me, it all changed the day he came back. "I couldn't really tell anyone about it- they didn't care but Jesse suggested that I should talk to Shelby about it. He was worried that it was making me depressed," I take a breath, remembering the night they got home from the cruise.

Shelby stood in the living room and she and Leroy had fought, raising their voices while Hiram sat on the couch, holding my hand in his. "My Fathers didn't realize what their constant departures were doing and they offered to fix it by staying home more often but Shelby wouldn't hear it," I laugh at the memory of Shelby telling them that the damage was done, how could they up and leave like that, leaving a 16-year-old to fend for herself.

"After that, Daddy had to leave for a business trip to Italy and Dad had to be in Salt Lake, and when Mom found out that they left within two weeks of being hime, she decide to sue for custody and won. They came home from their business trips to counter-sue, but it was to late." I remember that day, she brought over papers, suing them for custody, over neglect or something, I even had to testify, give statements and answer questions. "Soon after, Mom won the custody and I moved. We all still talk to each other and my Dads get to travel freely." It was a long three months, that battle, and now it seems like so long ago.

"Hey, it works out," Alex says, touching my shoulder, "You hated being an only child and now you have Beth."  

"The only problem. . . " I trail off and Alex gets what I'm saying.  

"Beth is your best friend's baby." She states and they all nod their heads. There's a knock on our door and Goldsby yells for us to finish it up. I fix Jesse's tie and smile up at him, his eyes full of confidence and love. I lean up, capturing his lips for a sweet kiss. We were the only couple on the team but everyone like to poke fun at us for it too.

"Alright Adrenalights! Go take your spots. Remember, try not to cut Rachel off!" Goldsby yells for our pep talk and then were out, with Goldsby and Jesse watching us leave. 

We move through the first two numbers without a hitch and then it’s me in the center of the stage,  _ It's All Coming Back to Me  _ starts and the melody swims around me. The the lyrics flow from my mouth, taking over the crowd, it's completely silent- I'm a siren and they’re the men. The notes hit home and Jesse fills my mind. The love I have for him, my heart jumps and soars and then it's over as fast as it began and the place erupts with standing ovations and applause like thunder. We were flawless. 

**.**

The last group went on at 7 pm. We were all tired and happy when the judges came up to announce the winner. "Thank you all so much for coming out! It was amazing to see each of these talented groups perform, but only three will place. Well, here we go," The announcer says, looking to both sides before taking the envelopes. 

Jesse stands behind me, his arms locked front of him, waiting with baited breath. The announcer has trouble getting the envelope open, resulting in a paper cut. I sigh internally and fix my eyes to the crowd. Another Vocal Adrenaline rule was when the announcing times came, you do not look at the other groups until you placed or you might start thinking why they deserve it more than you. 

"Okay!" The announcer starts, finally, "Third place: The Starship Singers from New York, New York!" Everyone claps, some whistling and hollering. I smile nicely and hope the announcer would just get to 1st place. "2nd Place: Congratulations. . . New Directions from Lima, Ohio!" Then the announcer gave another speech about how everyone should be proud even if they didn't place or if they didn't get first. 

"Okay, now 1st place.” She says as she goes to open the last envelope. “So exciting and suspenseful." She flipped it open and read out the winners. "Amazing! For their 6th year in a row! Vocal Adrenaline from Akron, Ohio wins!" Everything around me goes chaotic.

I turn at the speed of light, my arms locking around Jesse as he spins me around. I hear Alex cheering, confetti rains down from above and Goldsby is kissing the trophy. Jesse puts me down and then other arms descend- even New Direction comes over to congratulate us. Quinn hugs me tight, passing me to Kurt and Mercedes. Even Jesse hugs a few of them, sharing a bro-hug with Puck and even shaking hands with Finn.  _ Progress _ .

**.**

"Mom!" I yell out as we make our way out of the auditorium and she looks up, her face shining with pride and I run to hug her. I might be 18, but I felt like I was five and just won my first dance contest. 

"I'm so proud of you, baby. You were flawless!" She says, rubbing my back. I pull away and I see tears in her eyes. We had been together only a short while but had bonded so quickly when given the chance. 

"Mom," My smile doesn't fade, but I feel tears prick at the corners. She laughs wiping her eyes and pulling me back in. 

  
  


**Author's Note:**

> In the story on FF, I ended this by a dream but I thought I should change it, hahah, hope you all enjoyed it!


End file.
